girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
