strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
