new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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