Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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