how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
