We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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