I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
