I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
