Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
