Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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