yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
