nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
