i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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