Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
