i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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