youre lurking in front of me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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