Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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