He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
