where am i from again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
