So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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