Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
