Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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