i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
