I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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