Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
