the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
