Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
