yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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