If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
