like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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