Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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