I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
