You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dicks are not precious.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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