i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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