I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
