Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
