Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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