How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Damn victory sex feels great
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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