I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
