That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this beer tastes like vomit already
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
