but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
