Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
