Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
