I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
