hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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