Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
