He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
