I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
