Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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