I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
