I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
