I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
