oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
