I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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