Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
