When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
