toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
