I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
