Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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