I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
