I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
