i will never coherently bang her
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
