Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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