my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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