So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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