Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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