so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
