I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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