you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
