I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
