Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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