I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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