Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
