my mouth tastes like poor choices
Screwed.edu
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
