with your own penis?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
