Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
