I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
